Everyone in the dating game spends untold time, money, and emotional energy trying to find a nice person to chill with on the couch while you both actually watch Netflix — but somehow, most of us still feel like we're striking out constantly.
Shouldn't there be a better way?
Well, yes: There's no reason to fly blind. Luckily, because of the ubiquity of dating (and researchers' enduring fondness for studying all varieties of mating dances), we have a huge bounty of research to draw on. That means thousands and thousands of study subjects have made all kinds of dating mistakes so that you and I don't have to.
These studies, surveys, and experts can help us all figure out what works — and maybe even up our chances. With the caveats that some of these findings are difficult to generalize and none of this advice will help you meet your soulmate tomorrow, here are seven science-backed dating tips.
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1) Date as much as you possibly can.
Couples psychologist Peter Pearson told Tech Insider that the best way for singletons to figure out what they want is to "date as much as they can manage or tolerate."
Why? Because you can't actually figure out what works for you (and what doesn't) until you meet people with a variety of traits and see what it's like to hang with them. What can you absolutely not stand — nail-biting, sarcasm, chronic lateness? — and what do you absolutely need for your relationships to work — a sense of humor, cooking skills, an appreciation for '90s cinema?
There's a flip side to this strategy: Once you figure out what works, what do you need to do to attract someone with those characteristics? How do you make that relationship function? You don't know unless you try.
2) Have fun, and show it.
Obviously, no one likes to hang out with a wet blanket, so "be fun" may not sound like totally revolutionary dating advice.
No, what we're saying here has a lot to do with point #1: You want a fun person that likes fun? Show off how much fun you have, and how much fun other people have with you.
A meta-analysis in the journal Evidence Based Medicine from Queen Mary University of London found that successful online dating profile photos included not just selfies, but group photos. To really nail it, get right in the middle and touch someone else— but only on the upper arm.
The study also found that women were more attracted to men when other women in the photo were smiling at him, but proceed with caution here. No one wants to see your ex on Tinder.
The researchers also recommend selfies with genuine smiles, the kind that crinkles up your eye at the edges, and a little head tilt. Women looking for men can wear read for bonus points.
3) Be communicative — especially if you date women.
A 2013 Stanford study published in the American Journal of Sociology analyzed almost 1,000 dates to figure out what makes people click.
The researchers set up a series of speed dating events for Stanford graduate students, recorded each individual date, and used software to analyze those conversations. After each four-minute speed date, participants filled out a survey letting the scientists know if they felt a connection, and whether they'd like a real date.
Women, it turned out, were more selective about who they said they'd clicked with — but the men they did feel a connection with used appreciative ("That's awesome") and sympathetic ("That must be tough") language.
Both genders reported a better connection when the woman was the focus of the conversation, and the men showed "alignment and understanding."
This study has some pretty hefty limitations: All 1,000 dates were between opposite-sex pairs of Standford graduate students. But it's still probably fair to say that if you're hoping to hear that click, the first step is to listen for it and respond.
See the rest of the story at Tech Insider