- The arguments you have with your partner can reveal a lot about the deeper-rooted issues in your relationship.
- Money and sex are two incredibly common reasons for arguing, but couples also disagree over smaller issues, such as cleaning or the use of technology.
- When bringing up an issue with a partner, express your viewpoint in a way that is understanding and compassionate.
Even your most common and annoying fights are an opportunity to learn about your relationship and make it stronger.
A heated argument over something little
Did your partner leave the empty yogurt container on the counter? Samantha Boardman, PhD and founder of Positive Prescription, says being thrown for a loop over little things can be normal, but it's important to take stock of what likely set off the annoyance in the first place. "Stress, fatigue, and hunger often provide the spark to set off a heated argument," she says.
"Discovering your partner left the cap off the toothpaste after a fun evening together is one thing, making the same discovery after a long day at work and a horrible two-hour commute home in the rain is quite another." Rather than light into the other person when stress strikes, which Dr. Boardman says can stir up questions about criticism, control, blame, or partner negligence in the relationship, she suggests focusing on kindness and compliments throughout the relationship.
You have the same fight repeatedly
Whether it's dishes in the sink or late nights out with friends, couples often have a recurring source of conflict in which they'll "seem to have the same fight over and over again," says Marni Amsellem, PhD, a licensed psychologist in New York and Connecticut. "This annoyance can certainly manifest in the form of a complaint ('Why do I always have to remind you to do your dishes/help with the dishes?'), which can certainly lead into a fight."
But there's more to it than feeling grossed out over the sight of caked-on tomato sauce on plates. Dr. Amsellem explains that ignoring a partner's request, even if it's something as seemingly trite as dishes in the sink, conveys a sense of disrespect to the other person who may feel they're not being heard. These are our favorite 28 marriage tips from grandmas.
Watch your back: arguments so intense, your body hurts
While money and sex are the top two most common reasons for arguments, parenting differences, in-law issues or even what's-for-dinner fights can also lead to arguments, Dr. Boardman says. Driving behaviors and too much technology use during mealtimes to the list as well, says Dr. Amsellem.
Regardless of the topic, be careful about how you react, especially if the argument intensifies: it can make the difference between good heart health and bad.
Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, and Northwestern University, found that couples who engage in rage-fueled fights are more likely to experience spikes in blood pressure and cardiovascular problems in the future.
On the flip side, if you regularly withdraw emotionally during a heated spat, to include hardly saying anything and avoiding eye contact, the same researchers discovered you're more likely to develop stiff necks, backaches, and overall muscle tension. Try these 8 tips to avoid marriage counseling.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider